Forewarning: This writing can be overly sentimental. So, feel free to stick around and stay a while or to do whatever you please.
I wasn’t a tell all individual when it comes to my relationship status in socials. I guess I’m at this time in my life wherein there are these things, these moments that I only want to share with someone who is so completely, incredibly important in my life. Well, yes, you get to see some snippets of my love with some of my posts whether in words or snaps and this is one of them. This writing was meant for the whys and hows of I miss you, I love you but it is the hardest because it will be completely indescribable as no words in the dictionary can perfectly counterpart all the describing. Maybe I get to have some points but it will never be enough. So, instead, I will put my emotions, feelings, sentiments or whatever you want to call it yourself about the power of two in my life. It is even hard to begin it with when the surge has been too many already. However, I will still until I let it all out in some ways.
Before you, I always thought that home was a where. Now, I know it is a who. Because home became you. Sharing my life with you didn’t necessarily connote perfection but it did mean utter happiness. You’ve shown me that even if change is inevitable and ultimately necessary, I am blessed enough to find a home in your heart. You knew I was scared but as time passed, the fear calmed down (and popped up sometimes) as you have given me a lot of courage for laughs and weeps, for miracles and messes, for breathing each other for years straight though we have grown not together because our minds have to expand and our attitudes have to mature to reach our dreams and we love every minute of it. That whatever situation we are faced with, you made me remember that it is better to be fronted with sacrifices than to take the shortcuts. You allowed me to put a huge amount of trust. A trust that we will stick by each other as we continue to span seas and continents and as we wait for the calmness of the current.
Distance sucks. Yet it is an adventure that I want to take again and again with you because our kind of adventure gives me the feeling that it is lasting. You barreling into my world and swimming in extra jolts to my beating heart have been my favorite adventure. As I have stood up by myself, you have reminded me to be who I am and put it back in place. You always whispered that I can do this and that I am already there. That any blues and weights that stood with us are simply part of the past. That we can turn the tides of trials and tribulations quietly. Because our love is realistic and optimistic. Because our love stands on the foundation of strength of fighting through.
As it has been way too long that my longing makes me feel lost without you because the only cure is to have you literally in my arms again to do everything with you everyday albeit I have you figuratively. Waking up together to that hopeful sunrise. Learning all about what our life has been like. Understanding me on a level no one else can. Loving you because you are not my flesh and blood but loving you because of the person you are. Knowing I hate it anyway without me saying to you because you can tell what I’m feeling just by simply looking at me because you just know me so damn well. Never invading each other in anyway because we trust. Accepting that we are our own person. You having me always to count on when you need someone to listen or to sit in silence with on your worst days, me having your shoulder to lean on when the world is knocking me down on my bad days. And you having me as your cheerleader on your best days, me having you as my backbone on my days of triumph. The highs and the lows, we will be right beside each other.
I am never complacent because the time away makes me worry that I needed reassurance from you – but mostly I miss you. I miss the way you stare. I miss you physically and emotionally and some days it caused me to randomly breakdown and cry over you. Because I miss you in all ways I know and don’t know. In between, I am grateful for you because you make me happy and you make me forget the world. You make me look forward to tomorrow and look forward to forever. I am still scared that maybe you will leave yet you make me feel like you want to stay and you aren’t going anywhere either. You are interested in unraveling the words of my untold story. You are my truce because there is no battle between what I think and what I feel when I sleep at night. You are the answer to all my questions. You adore my frivolity. You admire the depths of my wisdom. You inspire me to make the most of my day. You help me find meaning in empty moments. You encourage me to simply live. You make me see the world in vivid colors. You make me feel safe. You make me feel love.
Waiting for the day to come when we will be back in each other’s arms is like waiting that literally can not come fast enough. Most especially now that we haven’t been together for a long period of time. I hate that you are missing out on all these things going on in my life that are molding me and changing me. And I hate that I am missing out on all the same things in your life too. But in anything you want or feel, I will support you. I will stand behind you and help you chase your dreams. I always have your best interest at heart. And through all of this, I never ever questioned you or how deep our love is. God knows I hope you will be the last. I was honest to Him about that. I am ready to fight like crazy then fight some more with you and for us. Because one day, you promise.